Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Remembering the Past.

Last April, I put up a post on Facebook and my other blog about the love lives of the plus sized (or fat, whatever). It was an emotional post for me since I used myself as an example. Here is what I had to say.

"I have, on numerous occasions seen the end of what seemed like, healthy growing relationships for one single reason... Wait for it... My weight! I’m sure many of you would begin to shake your heads in disagreement or even, try to find other reasons why those relationships never lasted.

I’ve never been a skinny girl. I’ve always had what the typical Ghanaian would call BODY. So, it saddens me to realise that guys that get involved with me actually envision a slimmer version of me and try to force me into being that “ideal” woman they fantasise about. The last guy I “fell” in love with would sometimes look at me and make snide remarks about how fat I was and how I needed to lose the extra flesh. And that was after I had lost some weight!

Oh! And there was this guy I had adored since secondary school who told me he had feelings for me via phone. The problem: He hadn’t seen me for years. And when we finally met? He just vanished into thin air after calling me to say that he was “still” interested me. Still? Was my look so repulsive that he had to use the word “still”? Geez... These among many other experiences got me asking myself, “is there a law of nature that forbids plus sized women to find real love”? I know you guys are going to reply by saying that there are men who find plus sized women attractive but, do you think women want a man who likes them because of their size or, one who likes them in spite of their size?

There were times in the past when I would cry myself to sleep and, not eat till my Dad practically begged me to stop the stupidity. You are beautiful, he said. All you need to do is exercise and eat right and you’d be a knockout. Then I would go out for a walk and the guys in the area would start calling me names like “Obolo”, “Obiggie” et al. I’m sure you know how that ended. The worst state of depression ever known to man... having a low self-esteem.

Today, people see me as the flirtatious and sexy plus size woman who has an overdose of confidence. If only they knew how much work it took to get there. A friend once said to me “Enyo, if you can love your flaws, people will follow suit”. That was my moment. I decided to fix what I could. First line of action, lose weight. And I did lose, 35 pounds to be exact. I still have more to lose but, I also love to look at myself in the mirror every morning and say “Damn girl, you’re one hot mama”.

I did digress a little but, I had to so my questions would make sense... So, like I asked, do you guys find the thought of dating a plus sized woman repulsive? Are u dating a plus sized woman? Would you put pressure on your woman to lose weight? Are you embarrassed to be seen with a plus sized lady in public?"

Looking back, I realize that it took a lot of hard work to build my self-esteem. I hated the fact that I was fat and hearing someone else say it made me feel even worse. I thank God that I was able to get up and do something about my weight. I may not be at my goal weight now but I weigh less than I did two years ago and I'm grateful for that. Here's to a year of more pounds falling off.


  1. To me, what is more important than size is what the person eats. Right now, I could not possible date anyone who was eating fast food or eating out without any care as to where or what food is being served.

    I would love to be able to post that I don't care about the size of the person, but that would be a lie and anyone who says it does not matter is not being honest with themselves. We all have our vision and dreams of our ideal person. For some, they would not date a woman who was larger than a size 6.. for others, it may be 18. There is just a point in size that we all judge in some way.

    When I was at my heaviest, I would never have expected any woman to accept me. It is not just the size, it is your whole aura is effected by how you feel. I remember when I lost a lot of weight in my 20's. I felt amazing, confident and walked tall. That is attractive and appeals to people.

    It's also about having the self-esteem to dump any person who ever is nasty to you or calls you fat. Don't ever, ever accept that from any man.. not even once.

  2. It must have taken a lot of guts to write such an honest, emotional post.

    To me it really wouldn't matter whether I was dating a plus sized woman or a skinny woman It's all about what they are like as a person.

    It actually made me angry reading about how the guy who would make snide remarks. What right do these people have to insult other people? The only people with a problem are them for not being respectful towards others.

    Would I be embarrassed to be seen with a plus sized woman in public? No way! I'd be proud to be seen out in public with my friend/girlfriend/wife. I'd be more embarrassed to be seen out in public with people who don't have respect for others.

  3. To me it would not matter whether a guy loved me because or in spite of my size, as long as he loved me. I was heavier when I first met the BF (by about 10kg), and I gained another 5kg during the first three years that we went out. I knew that he liked skinny women, but he never ever gave me the idea that something was not okay with the way I looked - chubby, with my hippie clothes, bad hair days (or more likely a bad hair life) and complete lack of makeup or makeup skills. About one year and a half ago I started losing weight, and he has helped me every step of hte way, but his behavior towards me hasn't changed. Maybe I am a lucky girl.

    (These days I am in the upper range of what is considered healthy for my height, and I am still not done with this lifestyle and body change.)

  4. (I should add that the BF was really skinny when we met, and my cooking has left some marks on his body... I don't care. I love him. As long as he doesn't get ill from what and how much he eats, I don't care.)

  5. My husband met me, fell in love with me, and married me as a plus size woman. I have had nothing but encouragement and compliments from him, and I have never experienced him being embarrassed..

    It is possible!

  6. Wow, reading this post makes me realize that we all kind of lead the same lives. I know exactly what you are talkig about.

  7. My husband fell in love with me when I weighed 100 pounds less than I did when we married. He married me because he loved me and never said a thing about my weight gain. He has encouraged me to get healthy (I was on 2 blood pressure medications) because he has said he was afraid of losing me (to death) early. It truly is possible:)

  8. Wow, what a jerk to say that to you! We are all attracted to a certain type and I don't blame people for simply not being attracted to someone overweight -- but then he or she shouldn't date someone overweight and then be mean about it.

    Some people attempt to raise themselves by putting others down. :-(

  9. I feel like a lot of us have felt like this but like you said in the end, it's amazing how our attitude about ourselves change on this journey.

    I'm so glad that you're in a happier place... can you imagine how unstopable you'll be when you reach your goal weight?! Can't wait!


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