Last April, I put up a post on Facebook and my other blog about the love lives of the plus sized (or fat, whatever). It was an emotional post for me since I used myself as an example. Here is what I had to say.
THE PLUS SIZED GIRL + ROMANCE = A STRANGE MIX?
"I have, on numerous occasions seen the end of what seemed like, healthy growing relationships for one single reason... Wait for it... My weight! I’m sure many of you would begin to shake your heads in disagreement or even, try to find other reasons why those relationships never lasted.
I’ve never been a skinny girl. I’ve always had what the typical Ghanaian would call BODY. So, it saddens me to realise that guys that get involved with me actually envision a slimmer version of me and try to force me into being that “ideal” woman they fantasise about. The last guy I “fell” in love with would sometimes look at me and make snide remarks about how fat I was and how I needed to lose the extra flesh. And that was after I had lost some weight!
Oh! And there was this guy I had adored since secondary school who told me he had feelings for me via phone. The problem: He hadn’t seen me for years. And when we finally met? He just vanished into thin air after calling me to say that he was “still” interested me. Still? Was my look so repulsive that he had to use the word “still”? Geez... These among many other experiences got me asking myself, “is there a law of nature that forbids plus sized women to find real love”? I know you guys are going to reply by saying that there are men who find plus sized women attractive but, do you think women want a man who likes them because of their size or, one who likes them in spite of their size?
There were times in the past when I would cry myself to sleep and, not eat till my Dad practically begged me to stop the stupidity. You are beautiful, he said. All you need to do is exercise and eat right and you’d be a knockout. Then I would go out for a walk and the guys in the area would start calling me names like “Obolo”, “Obiggie” et al. I’m sure you know how that ended. The worst state of depression ever known to man... having a low self-esteem.
Today, people see me as the flirtatious and sexy plus size woman who has an overdose of confidence. If only they knew how much work it took to get there. A friend once said to me “Enyo, if you can love your flaws, people will follow suit”. That was my moment. I decided to fix what I could. First line of action, lose weight. And I did lose, 35 pounds to be exact. I still have more to lose but, I also love to look at myself in the mirror every morning and say “Damn girl, you’re one hot mama”.
I did digress a little but, I had to so my questions would make sense... So, like I asked, do you guys find the thought of dating a plus sized woman repulsive? Are u dating a plus sized woman? Would you put pressure on your woman to lose weight? Are you embarrassed to be seen with a plus sized lady in public?"
Looking back, I realize that it took a lot of hard work to build my self-esteem. I hated the fact that I was fat and hearing someone else say it made me feel even worse. I thank God that I was able to get up and do something about my weight. I may not be at my goal weight now but I weigh less than I did two years ago and I'm grateful for that. Here's to a year of more pounds falling off.